What i want…

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My last post was weird.

It made me open up to a lot of people, and gave a friend of mine and opportunity to give me a great piece of advice. K said that she was told years ago (before she married her husband B) to make a list of the things she wanted in a partner.
I should totally do that. It sounds easy… right?

It’s not.

I have a small idea of what I want in a partner, but I don’t really know how to put some of them in words. I’m going to start with a list of 5 things that I know for sure that I want and go from there. I think making a short list and then developing from those in later posts… (this is also an attempt to make myself write in this thing more often, and to open up more to people).

What I Want…

1. Ryan Gosling.

Ryan Gosling4wait…. i can’t do that?

Ok FINE. If i can’t just have Ryan Gosling….

1. Over 30 (men in their 20′s aren’t done cooking yet).
2. Current or Former Restaurant industry person (understands my life/work/passion).
3. Makes me laugh, gets my sense of humor (has to make me laugh).
4. Wants to get married, and have kids (at some point).
5. Understands my need for space, and at the same time my need for companionship (i’m complicated).
6. Is emotionally available (i can’t fix any more toys for other girls).

SO.
There that is.
It seems a little self helpy and weird to write just specifics down, but here we are.

I’ll be writing on these in depth soon… as soon as I get my brain wrapped around all of it.

xoxo
kenzie

2013… you’re rough, but you’re just a diamond in disguise.

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So the world didn’t end in 2012 like we were all told it was going to.

How surprising.

ImageThe thing is, that since the world didn’t end… we should all start acting like we dodged a bullet (even as fake and silly of a bullet it may have been) and be happy about the fact that we’re still around.

What a perfect excuse to start fresh, in a more dynamic way than we usually do each January?
I’m always saying that i’m “almost 30″ and each time i say that… it gets more and more true. I am almost 30, and i feel like i need to get a few more things figured out in my life.

Last year i grew a lot.
I started school, I worked a really great job that i loved, and i grew as a person thanks to that job and my start to my education. Both of those things have given me a little trouble as the year went on; school made me lonely and tired, and my job… well i got fired and rehired from that job, which makes for a pretty rocky environment (more on that later). All in all, 2012 was awesome (a vast improvement from 2011) and it helped me out a lot in becoming more of a grown up.
I have a good grip of how i’m going to move forward in my career, and i know who i am and what i want as a person… for my professional life at least. The rest of my life… well, in that aspect i’m sort of at an impasse.

I want to get married and have babies.

There. I said it.

I don’t think it’s that crazy of a thing for a 27 year old to say. I want to have kids (not right now) and i want to get married (sooner than babies, but also not RIGHT now) like a lot of my friends are doing.

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It’s a pretty nifty club, and i don’t feel bad about wanting to be a member.

I’ve watched friends of mine meet their lobsters, get married, have babies, and basically just be happy… and i have to admit, i’m jealous.

I got asked the other day if i was at the point in my life where i wanted to meet a guy, date for a few years, get married, be married for a few years and have babies… basically if i was ready to “settle down.” I had to think about it for a second, but after i thought on it for a little while… I guess I am.

I don’t want to settle for anything, but i do want to fall in love and start a life with someone.
It’s so cheesy, and Disney love story-esque… but whatever, i feel like i’m 80% Disney princess anyway, so it’s ok.

I’m not crazy.
I don’t want to get married tomorrow or anything… but i’m really bad at dating. I don’t exactly have any idea what i’m doing.
I feel this is a common condition with southern girls. There’s a saying about us.

“Southern girls don’t date, we have boyfriends.”

This is true.

We don’t date around… our daddy’s wouldn’t like that. We have boyfriends, who we date for however long of a time, because it’s just not appropriate to be out with a boy who isn’t at least some sort of romantic partner of yours… and the only “appropriate” romantic partner to have as a southern girl is a boyfriend. (This is outdated and not true, but sometimes i feel like it holds water in my own life… but no judgement to anyone else out there.)

I suck at this.
I super suck at dating.
I like people too much, or not enough, or i’m too busy or they’re unavailable emotionally… whatever.
I just want to meet someone that likes the same stupid shit that i do, and can put up with my insane schedule.

I don’t know if this is ever really going to happen.

I’m not picky, but i know myself well enough by this point to know a few things about anyone who i get myself entangled with… and one major factor will be that they are in the restaurant industry.
I couldn’t imagine dating someone that wasn’t… i mean, what would we even talk about?
Being a part of the industry is such a defining characteristic about myself, that i don’t think i would ever feel right being with someone that hadn’t been in the same trenches as i have. It’s a weird camaraderie we formulate in our world, and outsiders have a hard time understanding it.

I told a friend of mine the other day that i don’t have a clue of what i’m doing in my life… and that’s partly true… mostly just about finding love. I date people that are wrong for me, i give up on things too quickly, and i’m really stubborn. Thank god i’m pretty…

How can someone be so smart and so dumb at the same time?

giving thanks.

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It’s almost thanksgiving y’all.

I don’t know if it’s as big of a deal everywhere as it is in the south, but we take turkey day pretty damn seriously down here. Usually I spend the whole day eating and drinking with my family, play-fighting with my brothers, and generally just feeling warm and fuzzy about how much I love my family and everyone that surrounds me.

This year isn’t going to be the best thanksgiving ever, as my dad is on call and won’t be coming down for the holiday (neither will my mom and brothers), and my aunt and uncle and cousin will be going to my uncles family’s house, and my grandparents will probably be keeping it pretty casual this year.

I’m not too worried about it though, because we’re going to have a big awesome beach week for christmas… and I’ll probably end up eating the caloric needs of a small country in one sitting.

This year for thanksgiving I’m doing one small thing for another living creature, and I’m bringing home a “special needs” cat from a local animal rescue, Brother Wolf. Her name, right now, is Tyra and she is pretty freaking awesome. Her “special need” is that she has an inner ear problem and so she’s a little wobbly. I’m ok with that, I’m pretty fucking clumsy too, so I think we will get along just fine.

ImageHoly crap look at how pretty she is.

She’s (part if not mostly) British Blue, and in reading about that breed of cat, I think we’re going to get along swimmingly. They are good for people who work, as they are good to just lay around the house, and they like being near their owners, but not ON them, so it seems like we have the same personal space issues. She’s been at Brother Wolf for something like 8 months, which SUCKS, and I can’t wait to bring her home. The ladies at the shelter are so happy she’s finally getting a home, and honestly I’m super happy to have her in my life… I’m rescuing her, but really she’s probably rescuing me just as much.

I’ve been super lonely lately.

I’m in school so much, and then work all the time, that it’s really hard to keep up with my friends. I feel like I’m getting left behind and I have just been … sad … lately, and haven’t really been able to shake it. Thank god for my MoMo, or I would have already lost my mind like Tom Hanks in Cast Away… and I don’t even have a volleyball to talk to.

One of the annoying things about being super independent, is that people don’t think you need help or comforting a lot of the time. This is true… sometimes, but every once in a while, even us big strong independent ladies need a hug and a smile and a sweet word. I have been working on being more humble and asking for help when I need it, and when I started to feel really alone, I posted my emotions on my Instagram… even if in doing so I felt like a needy girlfriend.

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The response from my friends was instant, with people texting me and asking me how I was, to simple texts with “<3″ and nothing else… which is really all I needed to feel a little better. People asked me to do things, come watch movies, get drinks and all sorts of things… and I instantly felt better. My friends are amazing people, and they really do love me. Sometimes I just have to flat out ask them to tell me that they do.

Texts and messages on facebook are amazing, but nothing can top a hand written note left on your doorstep.

ImageSara is just one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for, and even if we don’t see each other much these days, she still makes me cry by doing simple, sweet little things like this.

To all my friends who reached out to me over the last few days, THANK YOU. You are all so valuable to me, I could never express to you how much.

xoxo

kenzie

school days are here again….

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and it kind of sucks.

Let me give you a little back story here. I dropped out of high school when i was 18. I had a full time job, an apartment, and a few too many responsibilities for a teenager… so school took the back seat to simply keeping my head above water. My father helped me out, because he’s a good dad, but i still had a lot of weight on my shoulders. I was never a good student, i almost blatantly refused to do homework and skipped class most of the time. I’m naturally smart, thank god, which is the only think that kept me graduating to the next grade above me. Somehow, i could sleep in class every day, and not do a lick of homework, but pull out an A on a test, simply because i’m smart and good at taking tests. I had teachers that hated me for that fact, and a few of them didn’t keep that a secret. After dropping out, i got my GED and continued to work full time for a few years. My one attempt at “real college” was when my parents pointed me in the direction of Johnson and Wales. They thought (smartly) that i should go to culinary school, since i had always loved to cook and i was working in kitchens anyway. Alas, i was a stupid teenager and thought i wanted to be a fashion designer (what the actual eff was i thinking?) so i decided that i would go for Fashion Merchandising. That, while being incredibly stupid, was my first venture into college. Going for something that didn’t really make me passionate, living in a dorm with a roommate (i had been living in an apartment for about 5 years at that point), and being in a city i wasn’t comfortable in and didn’t like.

Weird that i hated it and didn’t go back for a second semester.

After i got home to Asheville, i worked for a few more years until my life fell apart and i had to move back home for the first time in 7 years. I was 22 and had absolutely no direction in my life. I enrolled in the local community college for general education classes and have been bouncing around in what i “wanted to be” while taking really basic courses ever since.

This year was different.

I decided that with a ten year career in hospitality, that maybe Hospitality Management was a career and a degree program that actually made sense, and decided to enroll for full time student-hood. Holy crap y’all. That was a quick decision that has since been kicking my ass and making me feel more tired that i have in years. I’m the kind of tired that people write sad ass poems about, and the only thing keeping me alive most days is a pretty serious Starbucks addiction.

I like school…. Most of the time. It’s really weird and frustrating to be in my program after working in the industry for YEARS. I literally have a class that is teaching me how to wait tables. Bird course you say? Easy A you say? Well that’s what I thought too, until my first grade for service was given out… and I got a 90.

No. A 90 isn’t bad by any means, but it means that I had a whole letter grade worth of improvement to do in a task that I’ve been completing every day for years. It was a big, big reality check. I haven’t really learned anything about waiting tables that i didn’t already know, but i have had a big lesson in one thing, and that’s humility.

I’m not the shit.

There are people who know this shit better than me.

I have a lot of things i need to improve on.

“I’ll take one slice of humble pie, with a side of crow… please.”

All in all, i think this decision, to go to school… better myself… etcetera, is a really good idea. Even if it is killing me right now. I mean…. I just miss my damn friends so much (but that’s a whole other post…).

xoxo

kenzie

“I can take criticisms but not compliments.” – James Taylor #NaBloPoMo

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So, I wait tables for a living.

I’ve written about this topic before, but those entries are private right now… simply because I don’t know how stoked my bosses would be to have me running my mouth on the internet about my job. Nothing I said in any of my posts was that bad, but the restaurant industry is a volatile place… so I try to keep a positive outlook on my experiences, and not complain too much.

At my restaurant we have these little cards that customers can fill out about their experience; the service, the food, and the atmosphere… everything. I love comment cards. I am confident in my ability to do my job, and I love when I do such a good job that people want to express their gratitude to my higher-ups. Last week, I received one of the best cards I’ve gotten so far. It was simple and short, just saying that

Kenzie is the best server I’ve ever had.

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That was an awesome thing to read, and it put me in a better mood for the rest of the day… however this isn’t the compliment that stood out to me so much. That happened later, when I was walking to my car. I saw the couple from the table that left the card and told them thank you, it was very sweet for you to say that and that I hope that they will come back again… blah blah general waitress stuff. We chatted as we walked to the parking garage, and the husband of the couple looked at me and said;

“If you could teach a class on how to wait tables, I think the world would be a better place.”

Shut.

Up.

Writing something down on a card is a lot different than looking a person in the face and honestly expressing your gratitude. Apparently, the thing that I did that was so spectacular… was tell them their food was ready while they were out smoking a cigarette.

It’s the little things people. The little things that you do in a day can completely change someone’s perception of you and their experience with you. Next time you have an amazing waiter or any other person who serves you, please let them know. It really does matter to us that we do a good job and leave you feeling amazing about your experience.

xoxo

kenzie

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i would just be the worst president ever. #NaBloPoMo

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“If you were President of the United States, what would be your first act in office?”

 Hmmm.

I could be all super political about this, and say that I would …

  • make all marriages (between consenting adults) legal…
  • give our country socialized health care…
  • remove all legislation from sex acts between two of-age participants…
  • make drug testing mandatory for welfare recipients… or
  • make weed legal…

but in reality I wouldn’t do any of those things (right off the bat).

I would, however, raise the rate that tipped workers in this country get paid an hour.

$2.13 is bullshit.

Or, maybe I would institute a national tipping rate, where no matter what you buy from a tipped individual, that an 18% gratuity is already included in the price of your meal/service. You’re always more than welcome to tip more… but now it’s a law that you’re not allowed to be an asshole.

xoxo

kenzie

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“don’t talk about religion, politics, or football.” #NaBloPoMo

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those are words of advice that were recently told to me by my boss.

they are brilliant, and something i plan to stick to in my life as much as possible. i try not to talk about politics, mostly because i just simply don’t want to know what my friends think. i know that is weird to say, but in my universe, most of my friends/acquaintances feel pretty similarly to my stand on politics, and when/if they don’t i really would rather just not know.

finding out friends of mine “liked” Mitt Romney’s page on facebook simply broke my heart, and made me consider defriending them all together.

this will be my short foray out of keeping my political ideals to myself, and it’s all NaBloPoMo‘s fault.

i voted early, yesterday as a matter of fact.

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… and even though it’s none of your business, i voted for Barack Obama.

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I believe in Obama.

I really feel like he deserves another four years to continue to make our country a better place and to even have a chance to fix the mess that Bush originally put us in. How can you expect a guy to clean up 8 years of mess in only half the time? It just doesn’t make any sense.

Also, even if I didn’t like Obama, I just couldn’t bring myself to vote for Mitt Romney.

I have a vagina, and I don’t hate myself… so voting for Romney would just be a slap in the face to myself anyway.

You can comment on this post if you want, but please don’t expect me to respond to anything shitty that you say about the president or my opinions on him or his challenger. If you want to start a thoughtful discussion, I may be into that… a good talk is always welcome in my book.

xoxo

kenzie

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blogging is weird.

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i mean. really.

think about it… this is like a journal that i let EVERYONE IN THE WORLD access to. i can’t really write about super personal things, or things about work/school without being really elusive and only hinting to the idea of what i’m actually talking about.

in fighting with this, i simply haven’t been writing here much. and that sucks for the people who follow me… so i’m going to try to get around this by following along with BlogHer‘s NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) 2012. It’s a pretty awesome project that gives you prompts to write about each weekday of the month, while giving you weekends as time to free write.

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i need to go back and catch up for the first five days, which i might do in one entry, but maybe i’ll be a go getter and type out each one separately. Also, i promise to write about the things that are actually happening in my real life; school, work, relationships (or the lack there of), friendships and my desire to hand make all my christmas gifts this year.

thanks for sticking around even when i was a shitty shitty blogger.

y’all rock.

xoxo

kenzie

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” – Maya Angelou #NaBloPoMo

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I never want to be anywhere other than Asheville, North Carolina.

really.

I love it here, and plan on being here for quite some time.

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If you need reasons why Asheville is so awesome, feel free to head over to whatshouldAVLcallme, the amazing, award winning, blog that is all about how awesome shit is here.

And all the pictures move, so it’s much more fun to read.

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It’s just so freaking beautiful here… how could I not love it?

xoxo

kenzie

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